Ruined Read online

  Chase’s fingers twitched around my arm, then tightened. He was shaking his head. “You’ve finally lost it, Jax. You’re not making any sense.”

  Jax’s expression didn’t falter—neither did his pace. Slow and determined. “You’re like me. Tainted. You’ve got a demon as well.”

  “I’m human, Jax. You know that.”

  But Jax shook his head. “All this time, it was you.” His eyes darkened and his posture changed. Combative, tense, and ready to fight. “You attacked Sammy that night of the party. That’s why I didn’t smell another demon. You’ve never had a scent. What about all those girls that went missing? Did you feed from them? Kill them?”

  This was insane. Chase was a letch, but a killer? There wasn’t a chance in hell. I listened to their exchange, slightly detached and wondering if maybe the whole thing was one long, surreal nightmare. Any minute now I’d wake up, safe and sound in my dorm room at Huntington. The attack would never have happened. The car would be parked outside—minus the seaweed. And Jax… Jax had never come back to town. That was it. This entire bad dream was my mind’s twisted way of dealing with lingering feelings for someone who had left me behind three years ago.

  I probably would have gone right on believing that—if not for the fact that Chase yanked me backward, laughing like a maniac.

  “Oh well. Looks like ya got me. Surprised, brother? And I have a scent. All demons do. It’s just not traceable by you.”

  All the breath rushed from my lungs and I had to concentrate in order to remember how to breathe. Simple thing, breathing. Normally an involuntary process. Now, though? My body seemed incapable. “Chase?”

  “Shh,” he soothed, patting my shoulder like someone would a scared animal. Despite having several very colorful replies on the tip of my tongue, I complied and swallowed my retort. Turning his attention back to Jax, Chase snickered. “I gotta know, man. How did you figure it out?”

  My head was spinning. “But, Hank. What about Hank? Why would he run—show up here and attack me—if he wasn’t—”

  Chase rolled his eyes. “I was controlling him. Obviously.” He turned back to Jax. “Now, you were saying?”

  “It was something one of Azirak’s demons said. About the one who was after me biding their time. It got me thinking. You’re a selfish fuck, Chase. You always have been. You pushed too hard to keep me here, feeding me shit about it being for Sam’s sake. I don’t know why I didn’t see it. You think too much of yourself to ever admit you couldn’t take care of her on your own. Then I started thinking about the attack at Huntington. How I never smelled the demon—”

  “We can’t track each other by scent. Part of the rules, man.”

  “I didn’t know for sure. Not till I walked in and saw Sutton down and Sam still standing.”

  “I’m sure you have a ton of questions.”

  Jax was the very definition of darkness in that moment. I’d seen him bend and twist, failing countless times to control his anger, yet now, there was an eerie peace. The calm before the storm. Like those few minutes right before hell broke loose when the trees were still and the water was like glass. “How long?”

  “All my life—same as you.”

  “That’s impossible.”

  “It’s not. Just ask my link.” Chase laughed again and gave my arm a good shake.

  Jax gritted his teeth and took a deep breath. “So why not kill me sooner? If you’ve had the demon all your life, same as me, why wait?”

  “I had to be sure I’d win. The demons inside don’t really reach their full potential until they’ve festered in a human for twenty years.” He clapped his hands together. “We’re aged up nice and good now, bro. Time to settle up.”

  Jax paled.

  “Seriously, if you hadn’t spent the last three years of your life brewing in your own pity party, you would have seen the truth.”

  “And what truth might that be?”

  “That this isn’t a curse. It’s a gift.” He let go of my arm and commanded, “Stay.” To his brother, he said, “The demon is power, Jax. Unbelievable power.”

  Jax was quiet for a minute. Underneath the darkness in his expression I could see the pain. He’d always been at war with Chase in one way or another, but he loved his brother. Loved him so much that to keep him safe, he’d given up everything. When Jax spoke again, there was an air of determination in his tone. “I don’t know how this happened, but we can figure it out. Take back control. We don’t have to go at each other. Not like this.”

  Chase laughed. A horrible sound that made me want to cover my ears. Not human. Not demon. “Take control? I never lost it! Unlike you, I embraced my destiny. My demon and I are in perfect sync.” He nodded over his shoulder and said, “While you were running away from your true nature, I embraced my calling with open arms. I guess it just comes down to the fact that I’m simply stronger. Always have been.”

  “Stronger?” Jax’s eyes darted from his brother to me, then back again. “You mean weaker. Strength would have been to resist. To fight. You caved like a little bitch.”

  “Aren’t you the happy little hypocrite. You’ve got blood on those digits, same as me, bro. Don’t pretend otherwise.”

  “I’m no saint,” Jax agreed. The pain in his voice almost destroyed me. “But I don’t—never have and never will—kill.”

  “News flash for you, Jax. You will. You’ll have to, because in our particular situation, it’s kill or be killed.”

  “What situation might that be?”

  Chase grinned. The expression that used to make me smile now made me sick. “We’re at war. We’re bound to these weak, pathetic human bodies until one of us makes the other bleed. You and me, man? We’re the key to it all.”

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Jax

  I tensed as Azirak raged like never before. The demon kept showing that single phrase, You and me, man? We’re the key to it all. Over and over like a skipping CD. I had no fucking clue what it was supposed to mean.

  Next came the images of that blood-soaked, barren field in his visions. Two impossibly tall figures faced off under a burning gray sky. The demon was annoyed, but I didn’t understand what it was trying to get across. A message. A clue. Something I needed to know. I felt its frustration humming through every inch of my body.

  “You’ve known Sammy almost your whole life, Chase. You don’t want to hurt her. You’d rather hurt me, right?” Another step. We were a foot apart now. Possibly two.

  Chase jerked Sam close, then ran a finger down the side of her face. Azirak went wild. “Hurting her hurts you, and that’s my lot in life. I don’t like it, but it is what it is.” He licked his finger and sighed, then ran his tongue along the line of her jaw. “Besides, she tastes amazing. Can’t argue that, can ya?”

  Azirak roared, and all my muscles convulsed as the demon fought for control. I had to maintain control. It was enraged and there was always a chance it wouldn’t show restraint. With Sam linked to my brother, if he went down, so did she.

  “I walked away from her, remember? She’s a fun distraction while I’m in town, but that’s about it.”

  “Your stink is all over her, Jax. Nice try.” He grabbed a handful of Sam’s hair and tilted her head. A small noise escaped her lips and a rush of gray bled into the air. “Then again, so is mine. Just between us brothers, you fed from her too, right? Just a little? Good stuff, no?”

  My jaw tightened. The demon pushed harder.

  Chase laughed. “Go ahead. I know you want to take me out. Give it your best shot. But keep in mind it won’t end well for her.”

  Jax held his breath and stood his ground. Poker face. This had to go down smooth. “So?”

  Chase was silent. He smiled and stepped to the table where the pen sat. Grabbing it, he positioned the point at the hollow of Sam’s throat. “You can’t bluff me, Jax. We both know you can’t touch me without touching her—and there’s no way you’re willing to do that. You don’t have the balls to make that kind of
sacrifice.”

  Chase winked and, before I could blink, he pulled the pen away from Sam’s throat and jammed it into his forearm. She gasped and shuddered as blood began to drip from her own arm—not his. “Oh my God,” she breathed, clutching her bleeding limb close.

  “I think I made my point,” he said with a grin. He threw the pen at my feet and started to back away, dragging Sam with him. “And I think it’s time to finally end this thing.”

  The intention was to lunge forward and somehow get Sam away from my brother, but like a baseball bat to the gut, the breath left my lungs and in an instant staying upright became impossible. Thankfully, I wasn’t the only one. Beside Sam, Chase also dropped to the ground.

  “Sam,” Heckle’s voice boomed from the doorway. His eyes were closed while his hands made odd gestures. Air traffic control or magic. I didn’t know, and didn’t care—as long as it gave Sam a chance to run. “Come over here. Bring Jax with you.”

  Small arms slid beneath mine and lifted. I tried to help her, but the energy had left my body. It took several tries, but Sam finally managed to drag me to the door.

  Chase, still crumpled on the floor by the couch, lifted his head to glare at Heckle. “You can’t kill me. It’s against the rules.”

  “But I don’t have to let you kill them, either.”

  Chase chuckled. “You think that’s going to change the outcome of this? I’ll just get the fucker tomorrow.”

  Heckle shrugged. “Maybe. But you won’t get him tonight.”

  “We need answers.” We were back at the Inferno, Heckle’s bar. I felt better, but had yet to get a straight answer as to what the fuck happened at the house. “What the hell was that whammy you hit us with?”

  “Just a little something I picked up along the way.”

  “Magic?” Sam asked. Her eyes were wide.

  Heckle laughed. “I suppose by the human definition, you might consider it that.”

  Sam rested her injured arm against the bar. Heckle had cleaned and dressed the wound, but from the way she kept wincing, I knew she was in pain. “What about breaking the link? Did you find an alternative?”

  “Other than what we already know? Nope,” Heckle said. He put a glass down in front of himself, and then another in front of me. Leaning across the counter, he winked. “Sorry. None for you, girly.”

  Sam slammed her fist against the bar. “There has to be something we can do.”

  “The only way that link is coming off is if you bite the big one or the demon chooses to let you go. Something tells me that ain’t happening. Put your head tween your legs and kiss your ass good-bye.” He paused, frowning, poured two shots of vodka. “Or at least, until Azirak’s clan comes for you. There’s that, too.”

  “What about that thing you were looking into? A way to dampen the effects? Will distance help? Or wearing some kind of…talisman?”

  Heckle blinked twice, then fell into a fit of hysterical laughter. He grabbed the bar, chortling and stomping his foot so hard that the glasses on the shelf behind the bar started to rattle. “Talisman? What do you think this is? The movies?”

  Sam’s eyes narrowed and her small hands curled into tight fists. She reached across the counter, taking the bartender by surprise, and grabbed a handful of his shirt. Holy fuck, it was hot. With a hard yank forward, she said, “You can do better than that. Give us something useful or else.”

  Heckle’s eyes widened—and he started laughing again. The guy was going to piss himself if he wasn’t careful. “Or else what? You gonna pull my hair or something, girly?”

  Sam’s expression bounced from frustrated to furious before settling on vindicated. She let go of his shirt and grabbed my arm, tugging him close. I nearly fell off the damn stool. “Or else he’ll eat you.”

  “Sammy, demons don’t really eat other demons. Don’t eat people either.”

  “Oh. Well…”

  I grinned. Rick once said I looked 100 percent hell-spawned when I did it. I’d worked hard to perfect it, too. “But we do love to inflict pain. My demon thinks you look like a screamer. Are you a screamer, Heckle?”

  Heckle hesitated. He was holding back. It was evident in the slumping posture and fidgeting fingers. “There might be something… But, and I know this sounds callous and I apologize, I wouldn’t do it.”

  “She’ll die,” I snapped.

  “Azirak’s clan won’t like it.”

  “If Chase doesn’t kill her, the other demons will—not that anyone has told me why. You’re all acting like I’m their demon Dalai-fucking-Lama.”

  “You are,” Heckle said with a frown. “These demons are at war. Right now, the playing field is neutral. Neither side has an advantage over the other—it must stay that way at all costs.”

  Jax felt suddenly cold. “Why?”

  But Heckle didn’t answer. He poured himself a shot, downed it, and disappeared into the back.

  Since I wasn’t willing to risk Chase coming back to Kelly’s, we went to a motel. The room smelled like mothballs, and the carpet was mustard yellow, but it was small and out of the way. Sam would be safe here for a while.

  I couldn’t keep her awake forever. Eventually she’d fall asleep and Chase would be waiting, if for no other reason than to make a point—he was stronger. I couldn’t keep handcuffing her, either. First off, the scenario was too fucking tempting. A repeat of the earlier infraction wouldn’t help the situation. Chase had the keys.

  Why did the thought of killing my brother turn my stomach? It’s what Azirak had wanted since I was old enough to understand the thing living inside me. Maybe if I did what the demon had craved, I’d have peace. Unfortunately, in order for Sam to live, we all had to live.

  “Talk to me,” she whispered. Sam sat on the bed across from me, legs tucked underneath her and face grim. She’d been quiet since we’d arrived, sitting pensive and watching me stalk the room. She was scared—the demon writhed to taste her fear—but she was also worried.

  About me.

  “I’ll fix this.” I had no idea how, but I needed her to know I was on it. That I wouldn’t just let her die. That’s why I’d stayed, right? To make sure she was safe? Bang-up fucking job I was doing. Spectacular.

  “No,” she said, stretching her legs and sliding from the bed. She crossed the room slowly, eyes never leaving mine. Damn me to hell if it didn’t get my heart cranking. I wished she wouldn’t look at me like that. With those hooded eyes and kiss-me lips. Hadn’t she figured out what that did to my concentration? “We’ll fix this. Technically this is my problem, Jax. Not yours.”

  “Bullshit,” I snapped. At the outburst, Azirak stirred, excited. “Chase is my brother. That makes this mine to deal with.”

  A sad smile slipped across her face. “Didn’t you once tell me it was us against the world?”

  So beautiful. So fierce. So extraordinary. Fate was a cruel bitch with serious PMS. Why else would it let someone like Sam drift into my orbit? I’d never seen it as a child, knowing only that we were two kindred souls. But when I got older and saw myself for the monster I truly was, I never understood how she missed it. The darkness that was so evident to me seemed to slip past her unnoticed.

  “We were twelve when I said that, Sammy. Obviously things changed.”

  “Why did they change?”

  I blinked. Sleep deprivation had set in. What the hell kind of question was that? “They changed because even though I don’t go out and slaughter innocent women, I’m no different from my brother. I’m a monster. Same as him.”

  She scowled, slapping a hand against the bed. “You’re nothing like him. I’ve had years with you, seeing. At my parents’ funeral it was you who held that umbrella over my head, not Chase. When I was ten, it was you who spent your entire summer helping Mrs. Fellows paint her house when she broke both legs.”

  I tried to protest, but she held up her hand. On a roll. No stopping her now.

  “Yeah. I know it was you. I also know you were the one who sat up with Cora Mic
haels senior year after her brother committed suicide. It was you who shelled out the money to help save Old Man Harper’s dog after it got hit by that car. You sent flowers to Ginny Finley for six weeks straight after her boyfriend dumped her for being too fat.” She stepped closer. Our faces were so close. Everything about her—from the sweet scent of her shampoo to the way the breath moved through her body—was like an electric current running through the room making every inch of me feel alive. “It was you who saved me the night I was attacked on campus.”

  Everything spun. How did she know about any of it? Shit. What should I do? Lie. I had to lie. “No. You’re wrong.”

  But it was pointless. She knew everything. I could deny it until judgment day, and it wouldn’t matter. It’s why the darkness in me never bothered her. She’d known it was there all along. Only in addition to the darkness I saw, she must see something else. Something bright.

  Something good.

  She shrugged. I hated myself for noticing how the material of her shirt shifted, pulling tight across her chest. Or how her hair fluttered, framing her face and neck in soft caramel waves. Every minute detail was like a flashing neon warning sign to back the fuck away. I didn’t, though. Couldn’t. She was a magnet and I was a slave to her pull.

  “Doesn’t matter that you won’t admit it,” she continued. “The truth is, you’re a good man, Jax Flynn. You’re a good man—not a demon—and I love you. I’ve always loved you.” Warmth enveloped me as she placed her hand on the side of my face. “Always been in love with you.”

  Parts of me were horrified to hear the words, while others had longed for them for so long. Inside Azirak shuddered, both happy and starving at the same time. Its hunger spiked, but it fought the urge to feed, flashing watery images of Sam’s face through my head.

  She smiled. “I know you really believe we can’t be together, and you don’t want to admit how you feel about me, but that doesn’t matter. I know how I feel. And right now, that’s enough for me.”