Ruined Read online

  After what seemed like a lifetime, he stepped away and let Chase get up. “Go as far from here as you can get. Don’t come back. Don’t even think about this place.”

  Chase hesitated, sliding off the rock’s surface and taking several steps away from his brother. He had to be thinking the whole thing was a trick. A ploy to catch him off guard and close in for the kill. “That’s it? You’re going to let me walk away?”

  “You’re my brother,” Jax said. “Despite everything, I love you—but, like you said, I hate you, too. A kind of hate I’m sure you can sympathize with. I could easily kill you. I want to. More than you can possibly understand, I want to. After what you did to all those girls. And Sam… Don’t mistake this for mercy, because that’s not what it’s about.”

  “What is it about, then?”

  “Azirak, unlike Zenak, learned from its mistakes. It understands that if the clans are restored, there would be nothing left of this place. Everything, everywhere, would be laid to waste. Spilling royal blood would mean the end of earth as we know it, and Azirak likes it here. I like it here. This is my only choice.”

  “This is a mistake,” Chase warned, and began backing away. His eyes fell to my still form lying in the dirt, and he shook his head. I couldn’t see clearly through the trees, but I thought there were tears in his eyes. “A huge mistake. Zenak’s not going to give up.”

  Jax stared at his brother, saying nothing. Mistake or not, it was the only choice. The world would never be ready for either clan to regain dominance. With a final nod, Chase turned and bolted into the darkness. He was gone. It was over.

  For now.

  With the immediate threat gone, Heckle bent to retrieve my ruined body. Laying me on the ground in front of the rock, he stepped aside and Jax was there in an instant. I couldn’t feel his fingers as he brushed the hair from my eyes, and there was no sensation as he ran his palm over my forehead and across my eyes to close the lids. I could still hear, though. And that was worse than the pain I’d suffered as the knife pierced my skin.

  “Good-bye. I’m sorry. It was my fault. It’s all shit. Empty fucking words that don’t mean a thing,” he whispered. “My life was always dark. From the moment I opened my eyes, all that surrounded me was black. And then there was you. The single brightest thing in this world. In my world. Now you’re gone. You’re gone and all I can see is black. If this is what Chase saw, I can understand—”

  “What’s happened here changes nothing,” Heckle said, pulling Jax to his feet. “We made a deal.”

  Jax was on his feet and in Heckle’s face. “It changes everything.” He jabbed a finger at my body. “She’s dead. Your terms mean nothing now.”

  “Stand down, Tainted, and be calm.” Heckle knelt beside me. He whispered words too low to hear and placed a hand on either side of my head. There was a ringing noise and a rush of icy wind. Suddenly, I couldn’t breathe—which was insane since I was technically dead. A single word echoed. Rise. And everything went dark for a minute.

  When my eyes opened, I was staring up into a sea of stormy gray. I didn’t need his ability to see emotions. It was all there on his face. Love. Shock. Hope. Awe. That, and more. The silver strand was back, wrapped and pulsing like a heartbeat around Jax, and connected to me. “Sammy? How—”

  “She made a deal with me, too,” Heckle said as Jax helped me up.

  The macabre stain running down the front of my shirt was a chilling reminder of what had happened. I gently pulled away from Jax and took a deep breath. There was a sense of freedom now that hadn’t been there before. My temporary death had done it. It’d broken the link between Chase and me. But even though that link was gone, there was still something there. Something different. This was bright and hopeful. Beautiful.

  Jax threw his arms around me. The warmth from his body sent a shiver of contentment through me—until he was almost squeezing tightly enough to cut off all the air. “I thought I’d lost you.”

  “I’m not that easy to get rid of,” I said, returning the embrace. As I sat there, cradled in his arms, the feeling grew stronger. More intense. I pulled away, searching his face, and the silver strand pulsated. “Do you see it?”

  “See what?”

  It was beautiful. Shining and warm and radiating. It was more pronounced than it had been right after the kiss. An almost-electric buzz that sent tingles up and down my spine. “I think—I don’t understand how, but I think we’re linked.”

  He watched me for a moment, face paling. The look of horror made my breath catch. “No. It’s not possible. I didn’t—”

  I shook my head. It wasn’t possible. Couldn’t be. Yet there was something there. It was unmistakable. “I know, but I’m telling you. There’s something there.”

  “You two are linked,” Heckle confirmed, standing over us.

  “It happened when Jax kissed me, didn’t it? I—I felt it. That didn’t happen when Chase linked us though.”

  “There are different kinds of links. Ones created out of violence and necessity and ones created out of love. They each have their boons and faults. They each feel different.”

  “Love?” I said. “Is that even possible from a demon?”

  “Yes,” Jax said. He looked up at Heckle. “Demons can love, but I’m pretty sure they can’t bring the dead back. I don’t know a lot, but I know that. You—what are you?”

  “As I told you both, I am a keeper of balance. For lack of a better term, I am balance. I’m not good or evil. I simply am. It is my job—mine and several others, that is—to ensure that the world keeps an even balance of good and evil.” He smiled. “I made a deal with both of you. I gave you the opportunity to make a choice. One would have kept the balance, and the other would have upset it. You both chose to sacrifice something in order to maintain it. You passed the test.”

  I’d sacrificed my life to take away Chase’s unfair advantage and Jax sacrificed Azirak’s powers—and a peaceful existence—to keep the world free from the demon’s clan.

  Heckle sank onto the large rock. “As I told Sam earlier, it was me to whom God came after your ancestor Cain slaughtered his brother, Abel. It was me who cursed his family.”

  “You started all this? You—” Jax started forward, but Heckle held out his hand and Jax froze in place.

  “This is not a fight you want, Tainted. Trust me.”

  He lowered his hand and Jax could move again. But instead of lunging forward, he stayed by my side.

  “Cain brought violence to the world. What was peaceful and perfect, he stole when he murdered me.”

  “Murdered you?” Surreal had taken on an entirely new definition. If what he was saying was true, then we were talking to—

  “I am Abel.” He afforded me a small smile. “Until my death, there was no need for someone like me. No need for balance. The world was pure. And then, with a single violent act, it was tainted. Blackness that you cannot imagine fell across the lands. It was like a plague, infecting every living creature on earth. In an effort to restore what was lost, God gave me Cain’s soul. It was poisoned by the crime he’d committed and had soiled the world beyond repair. The best I could do was bring some sort of balance.”

  I shuddered, though I wasn’t sure it was from the cold. Abel. We were standing here with Cain’s brother, Abel.

  “The damage was greater than you could possibly imagine,” he continued. The leaves rattled as the wind blew. “I couldn’t wipe the slate completely clean, but I was able to take the bulk of Cain’s darkness and redistribute it. It’s why your demon feeds off the darkest human emotions. They festered inside Cain, driving him to commit the crime that corrupted the world. Now, each one of his descendants is born with a small piece of that soul. Cursed to make a choice—carry out his crime again or fight until the stain is finally wiped away. Over the years, more Tainted came. Individuals whose horrific crime blackened souls were shattered and redistributed, but Cain’s… His was the first. His was the worst.”

  Jax stared, mouth
open and eyes wide. I knew exactly how he felt. “If you’re Abel, then why help Jax? Technically he’s part of the man who killed you.”

  Heckle laughed. The sound was more eerie than amused, though. “I’ve been a long time on this earth, Sam. What my brother did to me doesn’t matter now. All that matters is maintaining a balance. I will never allow the blackness to overtake this place again.”

  “But why stop at balance?” Jax asked. “Why not tip the scales in favor of good?”

  “If only it were that easy. No,” he sighed. “Those days are gone. The best we can hope for is balance.”

  “But how was letting Chase walk away balance? Why strike a deal with Jax and me?”

  “Because in the long run, it will bring balance. As I said, you’ve passed my test.” He smoothed his shirt and stepped forward with a smile. “You both work for me. Think of it as subcontracting. From now on, you will help me maintain and restore balance.”

  That was their agreement. Heckle allowed me to come back to the land of the living, and I offered up my services—whatever the hell that meant—to his cause. It seemed innocent, but now I wasn’t so sure. “Which I still don’t get. I get recruiting Jax—he’s a freaking demon—but me? What can I do?”

  “There is much more to you, Samantha Merrick, than you are aware.” Heckle winked at me. “It wasn’t Jax who created the link. It was you.”

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Jax

  For three days after Chase disappeared into the night, I kept a watchful eye on Sam. That had been interesting. I’d officially moved back to town, taking up residence in Rick’s house, and had convinced Sam, for the time being at least, to move in. The place was huge and there was plenty of room. Plus, telling Kelly was fun. It was like a scene right from our high school years, complete with gasping and screaming.

  Everything was quiet. Wherever Chase had gone, it wasn’t here. I was betting he’d lie low—at least for a while—but knew we hadn’t heard the last of him. Like he’d said, Zenak would never give up.

  And that was fine.

  But we weren’t out of the woods yet. We had a lot to deal with, including a new link, the one between us, that we knew nothing about. Heckle dropped the bombshell that the link had been Sam’s doing, then disappeared into the sunset. He’d resurface eventually, but until then, we were in uncharted territory. Again.

  I pulled the car up in front of Sam’s apartment building. We were here to get the rest of her things. “This is a bad idea, Jax.”

  “Things are different now,” I said. I agreed, but leaving her on her own for the time being was an even worse choice. The living situation would be hard for both of us—harder than she knew—but it was necessary. “You said it yourself. You’re different. I think until we know what that means exactly, we need to keep each other close. For now, we’re roomies.”

  “I’m sorry,” she said, fiddling with the seat belt button. It felt like decades ago we were reversed—me in the passenger’s seat and Sam in the driver’s—sinking to the bottom of the river.

  “About?”

  “That you’re being forced to stay.” Heckle wouldn’t let me leave. The bastard said I needed to be on call and therefore had to stay within shouting distance, so to speak. I wanted to put up a fight, especially since the deal I’d made was a two-parter, and staying in town was going to make the rest of the arrangement harder, especially with this new link, but my hands were tied.

  I was sweating. Clammy palms and a nervous tremble in my gut. I would have blamed the demon, but Azirak—Azi, I’d started calling it—had been different since the day in the fort, too. Not gone and definitely not peaceful—I’d needed to feed it just last night—but more a part of me now. We had the same goals. And one of those goals was keeping Sam safe and controlling the fallout from its clan.

  Understandably, they were angry. They felt we had betrayed them by letting Chase and Zenak walk. They wanted to be free and I knew we hadn’t heard the last from them, either.

  And then there was the witch, Sadie Gray. Heckle said in most cases a link could be dropped if the demon chose to, but when I’d tried, nothing worked. I planned to ask Heckle about it—just as soon as he popped up again. In the meantime, I’d have to keep my eyes open. See what Sadie’s real motives were. Because there was no doubt she had something up her sleeve.

  “I love you, Sammy.”

  She started to speak but I placed my hand across her mouth. This was hard enough to say without her constantly interrupting. “Just lemme finish. ’Kay?”

  She nodded, and I slowly removed my hand.

  “I love you, but you know that already. You’ve always known that. And yeah, Heckle is forcing me to stay and I hate it. I want to leave. For so many reasons… You and me, Sammy, it can’t happen. I stand by what I said before. I’m dangerous. When we’re close—when I’m really happy—it causes Azi pain. It causes me pain. Too much pain.”

  They were lies and every word burned as it left my tongue. Things were different with the demon now. Since embracing it, being close to Sam still hurt, but wasn’t excruciating like it had been.

  “I know,” she whispered. There was a glisten in her eyes and I had to look away. The deep blue mist filling the car was already too much to deal with without seeing her cry.

  “Eventually my brother will come back. If we’re together, like, together, together, he’ll use you against me.”

  “But the link is gone. He can’t—”

  “Control you,” I finished for her. “But he can hurt you. Kill you. It would destroy me.” I reached across and ran a hand across her cheek. The skin beneath my fingers was heaven. So soft and warm. So perfect. So out of reach.

  She leaned into my touch. The simple feel of her skin against mine sparked a fire. How the fuck was I going to get through this?

  By just doing it, as Chase would have said. Suck it up and get the rest out.

  “There’s also another reason… The deal I made with Heckle required sacrifice. You offered your life, and I offered mine.” Now that Azirak and I were one, a relationship with Sam might have been possible. It would have been complicated and tough, but possible.

  “I don’t understand…I thought you sacrificed Azirak’s power?”

  I forced myself to look at her. Balance. One thing in return for another. Heckle demanded the one thing I wanted more than anything. He’d ripped it away just as it finally fell within my reach. “That wasn’t my sacrifice to make. It was the demon’s. It had to be something I loved. The only thing I loved. It had to be you. You’re my life, Sammy. I gave up you.”

  She was pale, and I realized she really hadn’t bought the speech up to this point. She was probably right. All this righteous crap would have meant nothing in the face of my feelings for her. I would have caved.

  Except now, I couldn’t.

  “So that’s it?” Her voice was shaky. “We don’t get to be happy?”

  It took a second to find my voice. The lump in my throat was thick, threatening to choke off my air, and hearing her voice crack only made it worse. “Guess that’s why they call it sacrifice.”

  She pulled away and got out of the car without another word. I let her go, watching as she walked down the path to the apartment doors. She didn’t look back once. When she was out of sight I followed, slipping from the driver’s seat and making my way up the path.

  Things were going to be hard with us living under the same roof. Life had brought us together, then ripped us apart. Again. Only this time it was rubbing our noses in it. Sam Merrick was my world. The universe and heaven and hell all wrapped into one. Somewhere out there was something that would tip Heckle’s precious fucking balance and allow me to be happy. At peace. To be with her. I’d find it.

  I’d find it because there was no alternative.

  I’d find it because I couldn’t live without her.