Toxic Read online

  “Everything with you is better.” Ice-blue eyes stared straight into mine. When Kale looked at me like that, it was easy to forget the rest of the world. Fingers knotting through my belt loops, he used them to drag me close again “Only you, Dez.”

  It wasn’t run-amok teenage hormones or what he’d said—sure, those things were awesome, but that’s not what did it for me. It was Kale’s intensity. The almost feral and somewhat possessive spark in his eyes. The deep, dark sound of his voice.

  It drove me over the edge.

  I pushed the little nagging voice aside, peeled back my wet shirt, and let it fall to the floor. Hands, lips, and hips. Everything was a jumble of limbs on fire. One minute his kisses were tracing a soft line down my jaw, the next his fingers were tugging furiously at the button of my jeans.

  I tried to giggle at his enthusiasm, but it came out wrong. Not a giggle so much as a gasp. Followed by another.

  Heaven and hell. Light and dark. There were a million purpley ways to describe it. None of them would come close to the actual feeling, though. The humming in my head flared, and this time it wouldn’t be pushed aside. The rubber band determined to squeeze the air from my lungs at the top of the crane was back—and it’d brought friends. Lots of them.

  Still, I couldn’t push him away. If I pushed him away, I’d never have this again. I couldn’t accept that.

  I bit down hard on the inside of my lip to keep from crying out, but it was useless. A small noise escaped my pursed lips. Kale faltered, and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders.

  Tighter.

  Closer.

  I wouldn’t let go. I wouldn’t lose this.

  Couldn’t lose this.

  “Dez?”

  Shaking. I was shaking. Trying so hard to fight the painful sensation building inside me—to keep him from seeing the effect his skin had—but it was pointless. There was no way to hide it.

  “I—” I pulled away from him and scooted back across the bed. The instant we separated, the pain began to ebb, and it was like a breath of fresh air in an otherwise stifling room. “I can’t…”

  Kale’s expression fell. “I hurt you, didn’t I?” He sat up and eased himself off the bed. Crossing the room, he didn’t stop until he’d backed against the opposite wall—as far away from me as space would allow.

  I opened my mouth, then closed it. No matter what I said, it would make things worse.

  He caught my gaze, and for a long moment, all either of us could do was stare. This was hell. It was like someone was waving the one thing we both wanted, the one thing we couldn’t have, in front of our faces.

  Kale was the one who broke the spell. “You should go.”

  I flinched as though he’d hit me. This wasn’t happening… “Go? As in, you’re asking me to—to leave?”

  He turned away, fists balled tight at his sides. The physical pain I’d been in was nothing compared to the look on his face. This was killing him, which in turn was destroying me. “You being here is…dangerous. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if something—” He turned to me. “You should go back to your room.”

  I slid off the bed, pulling my shirt back into place, and left without saying another word. I’d gone to make things better. I’d only made them worse.

  …

  We were back at the construction site. Kale and I were at the tippy top of the crane, wind whipping our hair in every direction. It wasn’t raining anymore, but occasional flashes of lightning still danced above our heads.

  “What would you do if I kissed you, Dez? Would you let me?”

  I smiled, but it felt stiff. Forced. “Of course.”

  He leaned in a little closer. “Do you like it? When I kiss you?”

  My tongue felt like it was heavy and coated in glue. I knew the words were right, but somehow they felt wrong. “You know I do.”

  “You shouldn’t let him kiss you,” a voice said from across the crane. I turned to see my cousin Brandt—currently residing in the body of Sheltie, the guy who’d killed him.

  It seemed like an odd question, but I asked it, anyway. “Why?”

  He only shrugged.

  Kale’s knee nudged mine. “So I can, then? Kiss you?”

  I turned away from Brandt. “Since when have you ever needed to ask?”

  Leaning in, Kale’s lips brushed mine. They were cold. Not like Kale at all. He didn’t smell right, either. The air filled with something stale. Like decay. Still, I didn’t push him away.

  He trailed icy kisses down my chin and along my neck. Brushing the strap of my tank top aside, he lingered at my left shoulder as a chill raced down my spine. “Time’s a-tickin’, girly.”

  I jerked back, nearly losing my balance. Kale was gone, replaced by one of the creepy twins from the old house. The one with the crooked nose. Able.

  “Have a nice trip.” He cackled. Arm shooting out, he tapped the corner of my shoulder. It was all the momentum my precarious balance needed. The bottom dropped out from my stomach, and the world zoomed by in a colorless blur.

  One minute I was falling. Speeding toward the bottom and certain doom. And the next I was standing on the ground next to Brandt-as-Sheltie.

  “Jesus!” I stumbled back, eyes glued to the top of the crane. My pulse thundered in my ears, and sweat beaded at the back of my neck as I gripped the edge of the crane to steady myself.

  “Told you not to kiss him.”

  “Thanks,” I responded wryly, after catching my breath.

  “Hey, don’t be like that. It’s your dream.”

  I took a good look at him. He was wearing the same faded jeans and Strokes T-shirt he’d had on the last time I’d seen him at the Sanctuary. He’d been waiting in a room to tell me the truth about who—and what—he was before skipping town.

  “Is that what this is? A dream?”

  He shrugged. “Sorta.”

  “Sorta?” Typical Brandt answer. “Sorta isn’t very helpful.”

  Again, he shrugged.

  “Are you really here?”

  “Sorta?”

  “Br—”

  His brow furrowed in concentration. “Layne Phillips.”

  “Huh?”

  “Layne Phillips.” He looked like there was more he wanted to say, but instead he stomped his foot into the mud and pointed to the top of the crane. “Things are happening. Pay attention, Dez.”

  “Attention?” I followed his finger. All I saw was the top of the crane. There was no one up there and nothing else around. “To what?”

  Suddenly he was in my face. Fingers digging into my shoulder, he repeated, “Pay attention.”

  White-hot pain exploded under his touch, bringing me to my knees. Everything turned watery as the ground dipped and swayed.

  “Pay attention,” Brandt’s voice screamed one last time. An insane echo that bounced off the walls of my brain.

  I shot up, gasping, and found myself wrapped in a blanket and curled around my pillow as the annoying country music twang of Mom’s radio alarm clock filled the air.

  A dream. Brandt had been trying to tell me something. It all came rushing back.

  Something sharp prickled beneath my skin. The fabric ripped in my haste to pull it aside.

  “Pay attention.”

  And I hadn’t been. There on my left shoulder was an angry red splotch. It was warm to the touch and itched like crazy. Able. It’s where Able touched me on the rooftop of Alex’s old building. It’s where Able’s lips had lingered in the dream.

  “Time’s a-tickin’, girly.”

  Shit… I was in trouble.

  7

  I shed the blanket and slammed my hand down on the alarm to silence the music. It was one thing to wake up feeling like I’d just been put through the puree stage of a blender—it was another to wake up feeling like I’d just been put through the puree stage of a blender to country music.

  If this continued, Mom and I weren’t going to cohabitate well. A quick scan of the room told me I couldn’t even
rail her for it. She was nowhere in sight.

  I jotted down the name Brandt had given me, doing my best to ignore the elephant in the room. My shoulder. If I told everyone, they’d freak. That had disaster written all over it. Plus as nervous as he was about being out in a crowd, I knew Kale would love going to school once he got there. The guy was like a sponge when it came to new information. I couldn’t take that away from him. If Mom and Ginger found out about my shoulder, there was no way they’d let us go.

  No. I’d wait for a little while. Who knew what would happen for sure, anyway? There was no reason to overreact just yet. Maybe this was as bad as it’d get—an allergic reaction. A little pain and some itching never killed anyone.

  Pulling out one of the few new outfits I had to choose from—dark blue jeans and a stretchy black T-shirt with a close-to-dangerous V neckline, I showered and dressed.

  I pulled back my long hair—still brown from my memorable stint as Lara Croft at Sumrun’s costume theme—and began a quick braid, securing it with a scrunchie from my secret stash. I’d need to fix the color soon because cow brown so wasn’t going to cut it. That, and after an entire summer without dye, blonde roots were starting to peek through. I’d meant to do it last week but kept getting sidetracked. If I wasn’t so distracted by all the other crap going on in my life, I would have been too mortified to even consider going to school looking like this. Dad once told me priorities changed as you got older. It was the only bit of truth he’d ever given me.

  I applied makeup and gave one last look in the mirror at the finished product. Part of me was horrified. I’d never been able to roll out of bed, hop in the shower, and be ready to go in less than an hour, but I didn’t have much of a choice. Halfway through the shower, I remembered it wasn’t just me and Kale heading to school.

  His clingy new BFF would be tagging along, too.

  I made it to the lobby exactly forty-three minutes after turning off the alarm. A new record. Not one I was proud of, either. Kale and Jade were already waiting. Red hair hung loose down her back, and thick curls bounced when she moved like some slow-motion montage from a Pantene commercial. An oversized black sweater was cinched at the waist with a loose-fitting belt and hung just below her thighs, almost meeting the high black suede boots. A swell of jealousy hit again. Obviously, she’d woken up on time.

  “Hey,” I said, looking only at Kale. I’d ignore her and act like nothing was up, and maybe she’d go away. Play with the stuff under the sink or something.

  “Dez…” He sounded surprised.

  Why did he sound surprised?

  Jade was kind enough to answer. “Are you feeling better? We thought you were staying in bed today.” She leaned a little closer, making a big show of putting a hand on Kale’s arm. “I heard what happened. So sorry. Sounds like you overdosed on my aura already.”

  She heard what happened? As in, he’d told her? Since no one else had tried to wake me up, that meant he told them, too. They really expected me to stay home from school? And let Kale go with Jade? Ms. Touchy-Feely? They had to be frigging high.

  I reached for Kale, but he stumbled away. It was understandable after what happened last night, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. “I need to talk to you.”

  I’d prepared a whole upbeat, we’ll get through this speech while in the shower, but standing here with him staring at me, the whole thing melted away. All I could think about was reaching out and taking his hand.

  Another swipe and I got him by the sleeve, pulling off to the side and around Rosie’s desk. “You heard what Jade said. In a day or so, I can touch you again.”

  He didn’t answer right away. And when he did, his words made the room spin. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

  “What?”

  His voice was low. Sad. At his side, fingers began to flick. Pointer, middle, ring, and pinky. “It happened very fast, Dez. We didn’t touch that much last night, and you overdosed, as Jade calls it.”

  I forced a flirty grin. “If I remember, we were touching a lot last night…”

  He didn’t return my smile. “I broke the door.”

  “Huh?”

  “After you left… You were in so much pain. At first I thought she—the door connecting our rooms—I thought Jade left the room, and that’s why it got bad so fast, so I broke it—”

  “Whoa.” Wrong. That had to be a mistake. “Connecting doors? Are you frigging serious?”

  From the look on his face, he didn’t see the problem. Of course not. Because using the door to go see Jade would have never occurred to him.

  Bet it occurred to her, though.

  He took another step back and slipped around so the corner of Rosie’s desk was between us. “I’m sorry I hurt you last night. I didn’t know—”

  I held up my hand. The thought of him apologizing made me sick. “It wasn’t your fault. I knew better and pushed it anyway.”

  He paled, and his knuckles went white as each hand tightened around the edge of the desk. For the longest minute of my life, he simply stared at me. “You knew it was getting worse, and you didn’t stop?”

  I went to grab his hand, but he jerked away. Scowling, I said, “It was my choice. Mine. You’re worth a little pain.”

  “No,” he said, pushing away from the desk. For the first time since we’d met, he actually looked annoyed at me. “I won’t allow you to do something that causes you pain. I won’t be the cause.”

  The look on his face. That tone. He was flashing back to his days at Denazen. To how things were before we met. Their unique methods of motivation. Pain was something Kale knew quite a bit about.

  I was set to argue, but Jade cleared her throat and made a show of strutting across the lobby and reaching for Kale’s shoulder. He didn’t brush her away.

  “We don’t want to be late. Are you sure you’re feeling up to it, Dez?”

  Scratch acting normal. This bitch needed to know where she stood. I forced a smile and squared my shoulders. “I’m fine, Jade. Thanks for the concern.”

  She went to turn away, but I grabbed her other arm. The one not groping my boyfriend. Reiterating what Kale had told Alex last night, I said, “And just for the record, I can’t touch Kale—for the moment—but I can touch you.”

  With a flip of her hair, she swung her overpriced-looking bag over her shoulder. “Green looks good on you, Dez.”

  I bit down on my tongue and followed Kale to the front of the lobby. I had one foot out the door when a sharp whistle cut through the air. “Freeze.”

  When I turned, Ginger was standing in the middle of the room, striped purple housecoat and matching slippers blaring from the middle of the red-and-gold lobby. She had an armful of papers and a canvas bag that looked ready to topple her to the ground. “Where the hell do you think you’re going?”

  I stepped back inside and let the door close. “Is this…a trick question?”

  She scowled and whirled on Rosie. “Did you forget to mention something to them, Rose?”

  Rosie, without looking away from her TV screen, shrugged and mumbled something incoherent.

  Ginger sighed and readjusted the bag on her shoulder. “With everything we learned at the beginning of the summer, along with some new information, it was agreed that it wouldn’t be safe for you to return to your high school.”

  I balked. “Agreed? Who agreed? When was there agreeing?” The room started to spin, and suddenly the Sanctuary felt very small. “’Cause I know no one asked me.”

  “Last night you said we were starting school today,” Kale said. The disappointment in his voice was unmistakable. I’d been right. He was worried but still looking forward to it. “You said you’d worked something out.”

  “We did.” She smiled and waved for us to follow. “This way.”

  Back through the lobby and down the hall, we finally ended up in the small conference room, not that the hotel had many. Two to be exact. And even though the other was larger, because of its location next to the
kitchen, it always seemed to smell like bad cheese. No one could figure it out.

  Ginger ushered everyone in one by one and motioned for us to take seats around the large oval table. Thumping her bag down, she said, “Welcome to the first day of senior year.”

  “This is a joke, right? Some kind of lame-ass underground initiation thing?” This wasn’t happening. I could not be stuck behind these walls twenty-four/seven. “What about my old school? My friends?”

  Older, grandmotherly types were pushovers. Nurturing, friendly—sympathetic. They gave you smiles and candy.

  Not Ginger.

  She slammed a hand down on the table and shot a patented Ginger death-glare my way. “I’m curious, Deznee. How much of your friends do you think you’ll see from one of Cross’s cages?”

  I opened my mouth, then closed it. I didn’t know what to say because she was kind of right, and it pissed me off.

  “I’ll be right back.” She turned to the door, then hesitated. “And Deznee, stay put.”

  I feigned insult. “As if I’d try to leave.” If I didn’t know better, I’d say the old woman was a mind reader on top of everything else, because I’d planned on grabbing Kale and bailing at the first opportunity.

  “It won’t be so bad,” a voice said from the door. “At least the company is good—most of it, anyway.”

  Kale was on his feet and around the table before I could blink. “What are you doing here?”

  I rushed to get between them and held up my hand. “Don’t.” Turning to the new arrival, I said, “Alex?”

  “I’ve decided I want to make something of my future.” He placed a hand over his heart. “To do that, I need a proper education.”

  What crap! “Since when? You dropped out two years ago.”

  “I’ve seen the error of my ways.”

  “Okay, well, congrats,” I snapped. “You know where the high school is, right? Do I need to draw you a map?”

  He frowned, taking a dramatic step back across the threshold, and I contemplated slamming the door in his face. “Is that really how you wanna thank me for saving your ass last night?” He was staring at Kale now. “’Cause I can think of more imaginative ways.”